Stand Together: A Gay Enemies to Lovers Novella Read online

  Why did he feel so bad, then? Did Aidan only want Mathew to pay for being saved? This made Mathew’s chest rip with guilt - nothing of the sort was even close to the reality and he knew it. It would be a nice justification, an easy way out.

  Mathew couldn’t deal with it. He had to ask for help.

  He picked up his backpack and shoved the clean clothes inside, not even changing. The guys chattering in front would come in any moment and Mathew was well aware of a raging bones inside his shorts. He pressed the backpack against his crotch and fled out.

  As he passed Aidan on his way out he kept his eyes locked to the floor but stopped and turned around. The three other guys went into the locker room.

  “I can’t,” Mathew said as quietly as way possible for other human to hear. “I’m sorry, I just don’t think it’s wise.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” said Aidan, lifting the weights on the lat machine behind his back, he exhaled as he lowered them. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done it.”

  Mathew turned and nearly ran outside. He took his phone out of the backpack and sent a text to Lizzy simply saying: “Aidan kissed me.”

  The next moment the phone rang, Mathew picked up and a scream broke out from the speaker. After she screamed, Lizzy spoke.

  “My Matty’s finally growing up!” she yelled. “You can call me Dr. Love.”

  “Shut up, it’s not like that,” said Mathew, short of breath. “Can you come over?”

  Lizzy was in front of Mathew’s room and knocking the moment Mathew put on clean clothes. He opened the door.

  “Uh, I always want to kill you, stuff you in a freezer and move in here when I see you room,” she said and looked around. It was not that much of a room, the walls were decorated with shelves holding up his trophies and books, a poster or two covered the cracks and the couch was soft and cozy with a coffee table holding candles in front of it. The rug was soft (but hell of a bitch to vacuum) and he had a TV he almost never turned on. He knew the private bathroom was a cause for envy since most of the other students had to share a few per floor.

  “Please, kill me,” said Mathew and crashed into a soft armchair positioned at ninety degrees from the couch, facing the window across the table.

  Lizzy sat down.

  “What is it with you?” she asked. “He kissed you, why so blue?”

  Mathew inhaled and held his breath. Words choked his throat, stuck inside, tightening. He wanted to be able to cry.

  “I don’t want this,” he shook his head slowly. “I don’t want to be gay.”

  “Tough,” said Lizzy. “You are and have to accept it. I get it’s confusing and scary, but for the sake of your own happiness you need to talk to Aidan.”

  Mathew shook his head.

  “I can’t look at him,” he said. There was nothing revolting about Aidan, it was what Mathew felt for him that blocked him from being able to even imagine Aidan without getting sick. He fucked up big time.

  “Well then,” said Lizzy. “When you’re ready, I’ll take you out so you can see how other guys live their lives.”

  Mathew laughed, so did Lizzy. She moved and sat on Mathew’s lap, hugged him and held onto him. He hugged her, too. Mathew did not really want to do that, but he couldn’t argue.

  “You’re right,” he said with forced cheerfulness in his voice, “let’s do that.” Mathew wished things had turned out differently, and for a while he would suffer, but it would pass and he could go back to his normal life.

  Lizzy kissed his cheek and stayed for a cup of coffee. Mathew told her everything that had happened and was relieved to have talked. He was ready to move on by the time their conversation ended. When she stood to leave, Mathew walked her out.

  “If you really like this place that much you should move it with me,” he said.

  “Oh Matty,” she caressed his cheek, “it would never work between us.”

  With the last chuckle, Lizzy left and Mathew was left alone.

  AIDAN

  AIDAN SHUT THE DOOR and crashed into his bed. Bobby was out and Aidan expected to have at least a couple of hours alone. He wasn’t thinking about anything, really. A blank look on his face hid the storm inside his chest well.

  Whatever was up with Mathew, he was not the one privileged enough to know. Why would he be? After all, they did not know each other at all. All there was between them were confusing sparks of passion, raw attraction based on physique. Mathew was hot as hellfire itself, which was something strange to Aidan.

  He was never in love. He may have had a crush a couple of years earlier. The year before he enrolled in college, Aidan had a neighbor same age as he was. Aidan knew by that time he was gay and had come out to his family with ease. No one said anything wrong, they were all supportive and encouraged him to express himself in any way he liked.

  The trouble was, he did not like expressing himself. He was not a type of person who would wear a cape made of a rainbow flag, slap some makeup on and join the parade. It was good to know that no one who mattered would mind should he do exactly that, but he avoided conversations regarding his sexuality and preferences.

  The neighbor was Peter Coleman, skinny boy with golden locks and blue eyes. He came over a few times when Aidan’s sister had invited him. Aidan saw through the plan at once - Peter was on the top of anyone’s gaydar. Feminine, groomed and with annoyingly high-pitched laughter which scared the living hell out of Aidan’s cat Cheshire, Peter almost became a regular guest. He was invited to dinners and received dad talks from time to time.

  Once Aidan was sunbathing the last summer before college, Peter came over and joined him. They were all alone and Aidan went to grab some orange juice and a whole lot of ice when Peter appeared behind him, hugged him and kissed his neck.

  Nothing came of it, Aidan put the shields up and they quietly enjoyed some juice before Peter left. That summer flew by quickly and they never saw each other since. Aidan blamed himself and almost wished he had the guts to go and talk, but he was a coward deep underneath the muscles on the outside. He knew that very well.

  He spent the summer moody and quiet, daydreaming Peter would come by and Aidan would have the guts to talk or kiss him. He had inklings of feelings for the gold-haired boy which he buried deep inside after a while.

  They only resurrected after Aidan and Mathew had kissed. It was a mistake. It was all the same, all over again. Yet it felt different this time. Aidan embraced the burning desire inside his chest.

  He turned around in the bed and kept staring into nothingness. His face was expressionless but his heart far from it.

  It would pass, everything does.

  MATHEW

  TWO WEEKS LATER MATHEW put on a tight shirt with a Russian collar and his tightest black trouser, per Lizzy’s instructions. He felt sexy as he looked at his reflection.

  He avoided Aidan ever since the gym. He still didn’t return to the pool, under the excuse of his weak lungs. It couldn’t last for much longer, that he knew, but it was a way to buy some time. Mathew thought of Aidan every morning when he would wake up and every evening before he fell asleep. To think of it, he thought of nothing else but Aidan.

  It was exactly as he had known from the start. If he ever allowed himself to slip and have any feelings for a man, he would expose himself to the greatest of sorrows.

  Mathew unbuttoned the second button from the top and looked at his chest. He practiced a smile in the mirror and immediately buttoned his shirt again. Why the hell would he enjoy going to a gay bar? None of it was ever about Aidan but about Mathew - if he ever suspected he would enjoy intimacy with another boy, it would surely be Aidan, he reasoned. There was no way Lizzy’s experiment would work.

  They met at the campus gates at eight o’clock and took a taxi. Lizzy was hyped as if she was about to get laid and Mathew pointed it out.

  “So?” she snorted at him. “Maybe a fine lady swoops me off my feet.”

  “I’d bet on vodka, rather than a fine lady,” said Mathew
.

  The bar was nice. The combination of wood and stone made it both warm and cozy. Lizzy was leaning for the center table by a stone pillar but Mathew dragged her toward the window in the far corner.

  “You’re wearing your cock-repellent,” she said.

  “What’s that?” Mathew asked. It occurred to him that he often asked that question around Lizzy.

  “Your face, mainly,” she said. “It’s your aura, really, but it translated into your face.”

  Mathew rolled his eyes and settled in a surprisingly comfortable wooden chair with a thin cushion covering the bottom.

  Lizzy eyed the people around. A few tables were obviously on their first dates, all nervous and laughing at everything the other one says. Some guys sat at the bar and looked at Mathew once or twice but he kept his eyes locked onto the window.

  “Don’t be a downer,” said Lizzy. “Let’s talk.”

  “What do you wanna talk about?” he asked.

  “How rich are you?” Her expression was one of utter surprise and Mathew nearly turned to check if a pot of gold dropped out of his pocket.

  “Where’d you get that from?” he asked. “I’m not rich at all.”

  She asked about the room and Mathew explained all about the private scholarship his hometown swimming team guaranteed. He also told her about the competition which was in two weeks and the lack of will he had lately experienced.

  “Basically, when the term is over I’m back to stacking grocery stores,” he said and took a sip of wine. He ordered an orange juice but Lizzy corrected his order. Mathew barely ever drank alcohol, especially since he took his training seriously. Seeing how those days were over and he had no chance of winning anything, a glass of wine would not hurt.

  “That’s a real bummer,” said Lizzy. She was not that good in grown-up talks and it showed in the way she avoided Mathew’s look.

  “I’m not devastated or anything,” he said. “I’ve come to terms with it, really. No one can blame me for not trying hard enough.”

  Lizzy thought about that and finally met his look.

  “But they will, though,” she said. “You’re doing that as we speak. You should be practicing.”

  “Nah,” said Mathew. “I’d rather just sleep.”

  “Matty, you must compete. I can’t let you go without at least trying,” she said. “I love you, you asshole. You’re my favorite person on the whole campus, even around the campus!”

  Mathew laughed but was still reluctant to follow her advice. She failed more than once when giving his pieces of her mind.

  “This sucks,” she said. “You’re falling down before a fight and it’s not right. You know why I like you? I’ll tell you why - it’s because you cruelly ditched me the first time I asked you to hang out. You thought I was into you and practice was your excuse.”

  “I’m so sorry ‘bout that,” he said and tilted his head.

  “You’re missing the point,” she said and took a sip of her martini. “I liked you because you had your priorities straight. You knew what you wanted. That day you spoke of your training with such passion I instantly knew you were worth hanging out with. For fuck’s sake, I studied that night because you inspired me.”

  She did study and she told him that the following day. It was the first and the last time she actually dedicated three hours to studying. Those words resonated with Mathew and a tremor of will returned to him.

  “I don’t know,” he said as though he wanted to fail. “I still don’t have a chance.”

  “Well, we’ll know when it’s finished, won’t we?” She raised her pencil drawn eyebrow. After a while she tilted her head. “It’s Aidan, isn’t it?” She looked at him quietly. “It is Aidan. You don’t want to see him.”

  Mathew was quiet. He realized the chair was poking his back and he moved. It produced a loud screech against the stone floor. The mere idea of Aidan did that to Mathew, made him want to scratch invisible itches or flip a pillow so he’s on its cooler side.

  “Like you would be any different,” said Mathew.

  “When have you ever known me to hide from something awkward?” she burst laughing. Mathew laughed, too. It was true, she was much braver and never feared embarrassments. “You should get your act together, I’m telling you. It’s one thing to change your mind, drop out because you don’t want to pursue it any longer. But to quit because you fell for some guy and are too dumb to see it - that’s borderline stupid.”

  Mathew opened his mouth to protest but realized there was nothing he could say that would make sense. All Lizzy was saying was true, no matter how hard it was to hear.

  “Go and practice, Mathew,” she said without a trace of humor. It was the first time she seriously used his name and he suddenly missed all that Matty nonsense. “I’ll see you at the competition and I’ll never forgive you if you don’t show up.”

  She stood up, kissed Mathew on the cheek and left. Mathew was sitting all alone and the guys at the bar intensified their gazing. Not long after, Mathew picked up his things and left.

  AIDAN

  A MONTH HAD PASSED since Aidan and Mathew kissed. For the first couple of weeks Aidan hadn’t seen Mathew at all but then Mathew walked into the locker room suddenly one day, changed into swimming boxer-briefs and headed for the pool.

  Aidan walked up to Mathew and greeted him.

  “I’m glad you’re back,” said Aidan. “You feeling better?”

  “Yeah,” said Mathew and turned his head away, hiding his eyes as he so often did.

  Aidan suspected Mathew was avoiding him. It turned out to be true as every following day Mathew would show up, change, greet Aidan from afar and practice. He would then leave without saying a word and show up the next day.

  By that time Aidan had lost all hope, if any had even been left, of another chance to bond with Mathew. The truth was, Aidan was glad to see Mathew even if it meant from distance and in tiny bits. It was the truth he came to accept.

  As the day of the finals came, Aidan had a plan. It took him no time to come to a decision and on the day of the competition, Aidan was ready.

  In the locker room, he approached Mathew.

  “How are you feeling?” asked Aidan.

  “Uh… Content,” said Mathew and scratched his head.

  Aidan tapped Mathew on the shoulder. “Good luck.”

  The ten swimmers left from the campus semi-finals gathered in a line and walked out. Aidan took a spot next to Mathew. They looked at each other, Aidan smiled and assumed position. At the sound of the whistle, all swimmers took a dive. Aidan barely made a splash and quickly leveled with the surface of the water. He headed for the finish line the fastest he could with the grace of a merman and the speed of a shark.

  Mathew was the close second but not yet closing in.

  Aidan’s heart was pounding as he reached the middle. He was moments away… Mere moments away from initiating his plan.

  Three quarters in, and with eight swimmers still well behind him and Mathew, Aidan curled toes of his right foot. He bent them so hard they cramped in a matter of seconds. He whaled and slowed down, using only his left leg while his right floated and twisted in pain.

  He saw Mathew turn and look but while looking at Aidan he reached the edge of the pool and touched the wall. The whistle sounded off and Aidan reached the edge. Mathew rushed to Aidan and helped him out of the pool.

  “And in an unexpected turn of events, the lead swimmer lost to the close second…” the commentator student was saying but the words drowned as Mathew reached around Aidan’s torso.

  Coach Preston was there in a few moments and helped the two of them out of the pool. Aidan made a face of utter horror even though the cramp had passed by the time he was out of the pool. He was smiling on the inside.

  Coach Preston raised Mathew’s arm above their heads and awarded him a gold medal as the crowd cheered. The coach awarded Aidan a silver medal with a blue ribbon and moved him to a side.

  “Are you alright?”
asked the coach. He was a small man with gray hair and lips curved into a perpetual smile.

  “All good now, coach,” said Aidan.

  “I hope you’re not disappointed,” said the coach. “These things happen.”

  Coach Preston, of course, often lectured them on how to avoid cramps while swimming but he had no intention of rubbing it in.

  “You don’t even know it,” said the coach, “but this victory secured Mathew’s future on campus.”

  Aidan made a face of surprise and nodded as if that were a news. Sometimes to lose is to win and Aidan won what he was aiming for. Mathew waved at the crowd and was glowing but then his eyes fell on Aidan and coach Preston. His expression changed from the one of pride to one of deem uncertainty. He turned and left.

  That evening Aidan showered and returned to his dormitory.

  “Hey man,” said Bobby. “I’ve heard about today. Sorry I couldn’t be there, I had so much on my plate. Silver medal, huh? That’s great. Not gold, though, but better luck next time.”

  Aidan murmured an “uh-ha” and crashed into his bed. It was getting dark outside and there was nothing to do but listen to Bobby.

  Aidan’s phone vibrated on the desk. Bobby handed the phone to Aidan like a trained puppy.

  “It doesn’t say who it is,” said Bobby. “Just a text.”

  Aidan looked at the screen and his heart skipped a beat.

  “Come over if you can, we need to talk. M.”

  MATHEW

  AN EXPECTED KNOCK ON THE DOOR made Mathew jump on his feet. He had sent a text and sat still for the next fifteen minutes. He hadn’t talked to Lizzy in a while. He sent her a text a few days after their evening out but she only sent a short reply telling him they would meet after the competition.

  Mathew grabbed the doorknob and paused.

  His heart was racing and his palms sweaty. He sent the text but hadn’t thought of what to do if Aidan decides to come over.